Ouch!

I never realized how many simple day to day actions we take for granted...simply walking over to the bin or getting up to reach for the tissue box...

Manx has just had surgery and I feel useless...thank god one day inshallah (hopefully I can go back to running/swimming in 3 WEEKS so I'm told) it will go back to normal..just makes me thankful that I am unlike those others who stay in this state for a long time.

Al7amdellah

Breast-feeding in Public

okay, all of you stop doing this pleaaaaaaase I'm so tired of sitting in a womens' gathering and someone woops out one of her breasts so casually like she's just fixing her hair - ITS DISTURBING!! It may be normal to you, but some people don't want to see that!!

*erasing the visuals from my head* AAAh!

(and it continues with the sucking noises ENOUGH SAID)

Good to be GaGa

Introducing the Barbie version of Gaga....

(quite impressive loool)

Zillions and Zillions and Zillions of THOUGHTS!

We think so much in one day.

We think when we first wake up. While getting dressed. While brushing our teeth, even while watching tv we still end up thinking of other random things simultaneously without conscious notice and whether we admit it or not we think of things while people are talking to us! Yaaay we're so nice!

That's a lot of thoughts.

We only have a mini-break when we're sleeping but even then our minds are going over things we were thinking of right before bed! hint Sweet Anger's latest post.

"Researchers tell us that we have about sixty thousand thoughts a day" Marci Shimoff International speaker.

How exhausting.

And I'm sure I'm even double that. Lately I haven't been sleeping completely through the night because I end up not really sleeping more like lucidly thinking with my eyes closed...ever happen to you? Anyway it sucks lol.

I've been reading up on how thoughts can attract good or bad things in your life. You know

like when one bad thing happens at the start of your day. Say you banged your toe that morning, and you felt horrible the rest of the day then causing you to be stuck in traffic or all your work papers fall that afternoon and make a huge mess and lastly you forgot the keys for the front door!!

You think, it's just one of those days!! But what if YOU caused that.

I recently discovered many award winning authors/quantum physicists/and psychologists believe in something called the law of attraction like the law of gravity we all learnt in physics

class growing up. The law of attraction as in just by thinking bad thoughts you'll attract them.

Hence the phrase "why do bad things happen to good people" maybe they were thinking it...like "I hope he doesn't cheat" or "my business will fail"...or in this case instead of trying to forget about it you think "my toe hurts NOW it will bother me allll day"...

The law of attraction (I'm not talking about how you feel about your special someone here lol or about the guy on House lol) is apparently as real as gravity, as concise as gravity and as ...hmm unbaised I guess you could say? I cant think of the right word. What I mean is gravity works if you are good or bad. Even if you are a good person it doesnt mean you won't fall off a building. Its not subjective. Law of attraction is apparently the same.

THE POWER OF THOUGHT.

I don't know if it's true...but I'm willing to try to block those thoughts. I know seems impossible... it's still worth a shot...POSITIVITY :D

Pessimistic vs Optimistic - whose the smarter one, who wins with less pain?

I've always thought of myself as being the optimistic person...I'll cling on to a tiny hope

or dream and make it my very possible reality but is that always good?

I had a discussion about this once with my sister and she's always taken the pessimistic approach

to nearly everything..I told her I can never live my life that way for if I did I would have nothing to be hopeful about. No dreams. How can there be happiness that way?

She gave something to think about...

She said what happens when those high hopes of yours get shot down ?

How do you feel?

You feel horrible. You almost wish it never even popped in your mind.

So it's best sometimes, she said, to protect yourself...from yourself. And be happy only when the time comes and it's right infront of you. Live for the moment, and the moment only.

I mean I have been hurt before so is that right?

What are your thoughts?

Stalkers...

It's hard not to admit, but the act of stalking my blog is...well.....amusing to me.

No, I'm not prancing around coz that would be insane loool, merely just observing....

Stick around.

Love you too.

Hahaha.

Do we really live and learn?

Now, I'm not blogging about myself in this post...I swear LOL

I just want to blog, so let me blog! :)

I dedicate this to someone, you know who you are.

It's easier to keep a friendship strong and happy for years on end

whereas a relationship would go sour in just a matter of no time.

Why is it that? Is there something wrong with them or us?

Or both. We hardly say both because both sexes hate to admit they

have their shortcomings. But then we come back to why?

In relationships more emotions and more expectations are involved.

We forgive more from friends when they're busy to get back to us,

but the same cannot be said about our special someone.

We both have high expectations. We need to stop. I'd say most of the time they

are unrealistic ones. Maybe it's because of the movies but

whatever the case is we need to learn to cut them

more slack and they should do the same alongwith respect.

Getting to know how to do that is difficult.Relationships are fragile.

Women tend to comprimise more, men are required to give more

whether its financially or love and attention. While comprimising too

much can make you lose yourself to the point where you don't recognize

yourself. The key is to draw lines. Don't go too far. The object shouldn't be

to try and change each other, that might even be temporary for they

will be true to themselves unless they want to change from within,

as it's natural.

Who are we to go beyound nature?

I will either have to suck it up or escape from where I am. It's the indecisive inbetween stage that has my mind feeling unsettled.

Time will tell.......

We're adults. When did that happen?

The wifey scene. I don't know if people like me can pull it off. I might not have the wifey gene...then what?
I don't see the democratic, over-curteous, socially committed invite-them-over-for-dinner thing being something I can manage.
I'm just not like you.

Ever felt sad without any real reason to be sad about? I just don't understand it...and no its far from that time of the month lol...

I cry out and cannot find you,
I reach out and you are not there.
If I cannot have you with me,
There is no peace for me anywhere.
If this is love, then love has killed me,
For without my love, my heart is slain
Through all the world I search for you
To make me whole again.

It's been so long....that I haven't seen your face.

I'm trying to be strong but the strength I have is washing away.

It wont be long before I get you by my side...And just hold you, tell you what's been on my mind.....

Why am I seeing those who are rushing into marriage and yet in truth they don't desire it half as much as others? And now you're getting married...I hope you're truly happy and that you'll learn to stop living to satify others...but then again that's wishful thinking.

Note to self: never place your mobile in your back pocket and wear an 3abaya thus facing an awkward moment...

Yikes! I'm in limbo!! The idea of starting work is been tossed around but still not ready to hit the deep end...evidently everything changes once you graduate. YES I'M ALLOWED TO BE DRAMATIC :D hahahaa. Shoot me :

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.''

Arranged Marriage also known as the ''M'' word"- Take the one who loves you, not the one you love?!

I rememeber when Taqo* blogged about this ages back...the whole ordeal of, "get changed there's a mother waiting to see you downstairs for her son". LOL
Foof* is not a stranger to the whole "M" scene either :D

Especially once you hit 21 and from then on. I remember when Khanette* dreaded turning that age for that fact. I've come to realize us girls are seriously complicated beings and I kind of feel sorry for men. Back in Jan'o7 she and I made this doomed for failure resolution that we'd find '"the one" that year and marry him right after grad! It sounds so hilarious right now...

McHottie* and I at that time used to spend countless hours discussing how do you know when the guy is serious or not!? And she found the Golden Rules in how men marry b*tches...haha. I guess trying to fathom life's mysteries is what us girls do best.

I like giving the "I'll think about it" answer to hopeful parents, showing atleast you're taking it into consideration and not just blowing them off which is the real truth. That was the case a couple of months back as I admit I am quite passive to a certain extent with these things.
I love Ash*'s response to this:

Ash - Woman! what are you doing??

Me - I was just trying to....be nice?!

Ash- Next time I'll hear from you, 'Ash I'm engaged I didnt want to but I was just trying to be nice'! :-0

Me- hahahahahaha

Ash - Run for the hills!

Ah, gotta love her....she's like the teabag from the tea I'm drinking (again, yes I drink tea I'm English lool) she's strong especially when in hot water. I admire that. My diamond in the rough heheh. Unlike most of us whom strike a confident pose but take every word said to them with great aggressiveness shielding their shortcomings with their loud personalities ahem..Bored*.

Khanette* takes it all in stride she focuses on the rational part of life - claiming that a heart doesnt pound faster just because of love its just an organ!! hahaha and "I'm going on vacation, and if I come back engaged then I come back engaged." LOL love it!' I hope to always see inshallah that twinkle in her eye as she gives her cheeky smile. I wonder is if she's still reading the Arranged Marriages book heheh.

Unfortunately our men in this society are too hung over letting their parents choose their life partner. He rarely chooses to marry his girlfriend lol.No matter the age, most are stamped out of the same mold: passive and weak. They are slaves to reactionary customs and traditions even if their enlightened minds pretend to reject such things! Thats the mold for all men in this society. They're just pawns their families move around the chessboard.
It worries him to even think about following a path so different from the path his father followed so he follows their steps and doesn't go against their way of doing things. They're too scared to pay for their own decisions in life. They want others to follow and others to blame if things fail....with the exception of few.


Doolti* is also knocking on marriage's door.....or maybe pounding. She reminds me to get moving LOL...as we dont "need 5 yr old actions" of some men haha. I always tell her never settle for anything coz she's deserves the best inshallah.

Ah the life of a hopeless romantic as myself is such a cloudy one hahaa.

Trouble in Paradise

Found it? Your objective - your monthly raise, your graduation diploma, your job acceptance, your soulmate, your insatiably appetitizing object of lust (loool), your reason for smiling?If yes, then are you truly fufilled? Something you can pretend is important will automatically make it so.Don't get me wrong, objects can be shifted - and success manufactured as I've said before and anything faked...but what if you've found it, but you can't keep it, or if it were unclear.

"O, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possess'd it."
-W.S-

It is this objective is that drives us nearly to the peak of paranoia lol...it may be that the objective is so surreal that it seems highly unlikely and completely fictional..but nevertheless we are driven. [Harder than winning is holding]
Imagine a metaphoric story of a man set out to find something he'd always dream for, somethin so improbable and yet he were so eager to find it - the truth. For him it was a desert elephant, something unlikely to come by. He had to linger on the hope that he would eventually find it, and keep it for always even if it meant roaming the desert without particular direction but with a very certain desire.
Have you done that? Have you ever followed your desert elephant into the wilds - putting your own time, energy and emotional status at stake? Only to discover that when you stop to think of it, you don't know whether you are coming or going? You're standing there in the middle of the desert you don't know whether its going to end nicely or if you should re-trace steps and go back to where you were - hollow without an objective merely a vessel moving from one situation of life to the next. And yet safe, safe the pain of not getting what you really want.
Inside us all there is the secret truth of ourselves and our desire, a truth that is hollow, like a cocunut that has split its water. We can choose one of the two options, whether it is to just embrace this hollowness and just give yourself the opportunity to persuade yourself that there is something real and true out there...and be fine with the insecurity and self-doubt. Or to just quit while you're ahead. Quit a losing game.
Maybe I don't quite make sense but you'd have to use that imagination of yours loool ;)

A Day in the Life of Manx

Reflecting on last week, tuesday.


6:30 am - I'm up...having breakfast in bed (I just realized I sound like I'm spoilt God bless the housemaid), toast...and tea...yes I'm english.

6:35 am - take a vitamin, layin bed I refuse to step down from the throne...

6:45 am - I realize if I dont get my ass in gear I'll be late...so I put on the scrubs and 3abaya and grab my change of clothes and leave the house.

7-7:30 I'm always stuck in traffic - well the driver is atleast :P

7:30 I reach the "bus stop" in Dhahran where a private van takes us girls and guys to Bahrain

8:30 I'm @the silent hill hospital :P lol...let the training begin yaaay. I wait for my trainee partner. Grab my patient/medications assignments if given and go.

9:00 I go to the first floor, near the hydro ward and enter the staff room...theres always Hamid here way before time...nerd :P lool

9:00-9:15 I give my supervisior my papers in the staff room and we discuss medications or whatever that was researched on.

9:15 I go to the second floor ward 23 usually...and meet the new patient..I usually assess two patients in Cardiology ward. I hate that ward...its very depressing everyone is on ventilators and are usually unconscious....ahhh al7amdillah....

around 10:00 my supervisior took me to a patient who had his own room...he was very thin but middle aged looking...he was sweating like crazy although the room was quite cool and he was gasping although he was on a ventilator..I was confused..why would he gasp while on ventilation - whats wrong?? I looked at my super Dr Ashwaq (she doesnt get the cool nickname as Ash hahah) and I asked abt what the patient had...she refused to tell me in the room told me she will outside. His room didnt have anything to show anyone had visited him since his stay.
We left. She told me once I see what the patient had to be silent and not show emotion for the people around me. Felt awkward. I checked the file. Male, 36 years old. Married, Turkish. HIV positive.
Ooh..okay...I've never seen that before, someone who I knew actually has it...moving on :S

11:00 I go up the service stairs...smells a bit like cigarrettes its funny how patients secretly smoke there :P

11-1 pm -I'm in the orthopedics department - where I see atleast 3 patients...usually of which fractured the bones in their legs. Before seeing them I go to the nurse station...its in the middle of the ward..and then I search through the catalogue to find the patient's file according to their bed numbers...and grab the X-rays just below and have a glance.

I meet up with the patients. Usually I've seen them before otherwise my partner and I go through the standard procedure of assessment and treatment...I usually do gait training (rehab for walking again) for atleast one patient...atleast.

1pm my feet are pounding been on them all morning - I leave the hospital.

1-3pm I'm with a friend, we're in the car...we usually go for salads near the hospital, but today we ate in Seef. After eating we're on the hunt for skinny jeans...I wanted the dark coloured ones...after a few trips to the changing room I realized the ones I tried on looked too plain loool

3pm-5 - I go to my lecture, Research Methodology. Curse that class. Its torture. Literally torture.

5:30 I decide whether to go or catch the 6:30 bus back.

6:30 I begin my trip back to the other side of the bridge..I'm the walking dead @this time lool

7:45 pm - I'm basically home, check whats in the microwave loool go upstairs and its usually when I end up having all my fone calls hahah....

8-1 am-ish mmmm....my memory is foggy lol I'm usually on the net or...hmm lol.

time to put my fone on the charger.

gnite!x

gym madnesSs !

heyy fools :D this morning i went to the gym with *Khanum*,*Darkshine* and Nada....we got there at 8:30 and all was good (weird thing is the little TV's on the machines show porn :P and i knowww that's the REAL reason why *Khanum* came extra early this morning lol j/k) anywayy like i said all was good until me and *Khanum* went to go shower (ok that just sounds wrong -eheh) and when i wanted to come out of the shower i realized my clothes were missing - loooool (its funny NOW) and so i was screamin wheres my freakin' clothes!!! and ofcourse *Khanum*, *Darkshine* and Nada thought it was sooo funny - i swear they led me on a goose chase hehe (and the lady watching over the lockers thought i was psycho by the way). *Khanum* was laughin so much she was all teary-eyed (which made me think of all the different possibilities of *Khanum* plots lol ) thennn my clothes were "placed" in the other shower - which i know *Khanum* said was MY doing loool - (yaaah, sure *Khanum* i dont trust ur sneaky smile :D) sooo we ended up leaving too late for Bahrain and so we to starbux...and the rest is history.

Goodnight!


P.S Dont believe *Khanum's* story its b.s lol!

Mummy :(

I'm realllllly not in any mood to be cheerful right now heh so I'm gonna spill it. I guess everyone has something in their life that gets them down, for me it has always been my mother and the fact that it has been 8 years since i've seen my mom -yah since 1998...and everyone knows the story of her being in England & my dad not giving permission to visit her because he's afraid i wont come back.
But no one really gets it that its been that long, like my housemaids heh - they're like "may we dont c our children until every 2 years" its like how is THAT supposed to compare? Orrr the thing that really gets me is that when i say its been that long people tell me dont u miss her?? Its like being stabbed in the heart seriously, when they say that - why cant people be a little bit more sensitive? Just coz they might not understand the BLESSING of having their mother around - and just be with her. Thats why nothing bothers me the most then when i see my friends or anyone for that matter say they hate their mom or they wished they didnt have to see her today - i feel like sayin 2 them, wanna switch places??
Just last week i think, I met an old 'acquaintance' - i haven't seen in mmm...a while anyway he said something about did i see my mother recently? - and i said yah i will soon (coz i hang on to that hope coz without it i dont know what would happen to me) and he said "may! u've said that for over 4 years now" (thats how long he could remember) and it totally ripped me apart i was gonna cry right there in the cafe, i didnt say anything - what could i say?...then my friend *berryblast* said yah she'll see her mom next summer inshallah and i dont even know if its true but for the first time i felt really happy inside...that some1 is really understanding me and giving me hope...thanks berryblast* i couldnt say that to her in person, i dont know why...Im reminded of this today coz its her b-day and i called her...coz thats all i can ever do - just call her - INSHALLAH ya rabb i can see her one day...


sorry ppl for the depressing post heh - just one of them days i guess